How Did I Get There

darkgeem@pyrokinesis.fr (darkgeem) — Thu, 07 May 2026 15:44:25 +0200

I feel tired.

For real this time. Like, really tired.

Not just “I didn’t sleep enough” tired, I mean tired tired.

“How did I manage to do that? I’ve just been paid ten days ago.”,

I just asked myself.

Well…

I keep buying junk food when I could cook.

I keep buying worthless junk with money I don’t have.

I keep trying to pay back what I owe, credits, friends, debts…

I am a fucking moron.

I feel empty inside.

I changed jobs, I’m working on interesting stuff, or well, I soon will, but…

… I still somehow feel empty inside.

I feel like no matter what happens in my life, no matter the amount of good things coming, I’ll never get myself out of my debts and state of mind.

I really, definitely, fucked up.

I’ll be paid in 20 days, and my bank account is already almost blocked.

Like, I’m spending way more than I earn. Every. Bloody. Month.

And this month, I got paid slightly less than usual, for some reason.

Not much. Just, slightly less. But it broke me. Because… I AM that short on money.

And I have no idea how I’ll manage to survive through this month.

I feel like this has become my routine.

Every morning, I wake up to the thought of being evicted, of being cut off from my bank, of being fired…

I don’t know what’s going to happen, but every month I know I’m going to have to continue struggling.

I do not “live”, I survive.

This is how I feel.

I can’t continue that shit.

…

Please, help me…